


Understanding

by GooseJacket



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: FTM Zane, Pansexual Lloyd, Takes place during seasons 1-2, Trans Male Character, Zane just wants to be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:40:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23943259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GooseJacket/pseuds/GooseJacket
Summary: All Zane ever wanted was to understand himself.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 49





	Understanding

All Zane ever wanted was to understand herself.

She was lucky, really, to have Sensei Wu as a mentor. She wasn't stupid--she knew how worthless girls were seen as by some men Sensei's age. But Sensei treated her the same as he treated her 'brothers' Kai, Jay, and Cole. By waking them all at the crack of dawn and forcing them to train like there's no tomorrow.

And her brothers treated her the same as they did each other. Well...actually, they all seemed to think she was weird. But she knew it wasn't because of her gender, but because of the way she acted: not having the same humor as the boys, zoning out when someone was talking to her, stuff that wasn't related to her gender at all.

She wasn't at a disadvantage being a girl. So...why did she flinch every time anyone called her "sis"?

She just couldn't understand.

All Zane ever wanted was to understand herself.

When Sensei told the ninjas that Lloyd would be living with them, she couldn't help but be a smidge jealous of the kid's confident smirk.

And when she had to wear a pink ninja outfit for a day because of the brat messing up her laundry, she couldn't help but be very uncomfortable. But she couldn't for the life of her figure out why it bothered her so much!

She chalked it up to just missing the white suit.

All Zane ever wanted was to understand herself.

She didn't know why she was bonded with the falcon so much--until its chest compartment popped open and its blueprints lay on a table in a familiar tree-house in the middle of the woods.

When she found her own blueprints, she finally unveiled some mysteries about her weirdness (her humor switch wasn't on, go figure)...but she still did not understand herself very much.

She unlocked hidden memories of her father. She now knew why she never heard from him: he had died and turned off her memory switch.

Even though she unleashed her "true potential" when saving her brothers from the woodhorns... she still felt like something was off.

She just could not place it.

All Zane ever wanted was to understand herself.

She didn't understand why she was jealous of Lloyd's transformation into an older version of himself.

Neither did she understand what Lloyd meant when he said he was "pansexual".

But the latter was a problem she could solve using her buddy, the internet.

[Pansexual: not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity. Included in the LGBTQ+ community.]

LGBTQ+ community? Zane opened the hyperlink.

[LGBTQ+ Community: a loosely defined grouping of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and other sexualities or gender identities, united by a common culture and social movements.]

Suddenly Zane found herself immersed in webpages about gender identity. She gravitated towards the trans male pages and the nonbinary pages. Was this what she was?

They mentally tried out different pronouns. He felt a little strange referring to xemself in the third person, but ne had to feel how each pronoun felt, and saying it out loud would be even more embarrassing.

He felt more partial to the he/him pronouns, but he knew that he should wait a while before telling anyone, just to make sure it wasn't temporary.

He couldn't believe it. Was this really all that was bothering him all this time? Could he now live at peace with his own mind?

He finally understood himself, but only a little.

All Zane ever wanted was to understand himself.

Over time, Zane felt more confident in himself and his brothers. The ninjas defeated the Great Devourer that almost killed Sensei, and they were training Lloyd--the green ninja!--so that he would be ready for his battle with his father.

It also turned out that Nya was the samurai that was one-upping the group the whole time. When she nudged Zane's side saying, "Girl Power!" he felt pretty bad for just nodding along and not telling her the truth.

Zane still hadn't told anyone about his new pronouns. It wasn't that he didn't think they would accept him--they had accepted Lloyd with open arms, after all. He only wanted to tell everyone when he was truly ready.

And, to be honest, he wanted to find a way to change how he looked first, so that he could really be seen as male in their eyes. Every time he saw photos of the ninja group, he winced at the different body types. He was a nindroid, right? Couldn't he just move a few gears around?

He was too afraid to try himself. If only his father were still alive.

All Zane ever wanted was to understand himself.

When the Bounty crash landed onto an island with a lighthouse, the last thing he ever expected to find was anything related to him.

Of course, what did he find? His father.

"Zane! My daughter! You found me!" He flinched at the word 'daughter', but it was understandable. He hadn't told anyone yet after all, much less his father, who he thought was dead, but apparently wasn't?

It turned out that yes, his father did pass away, but he was resurrected by evil forces to be their engineer. When he denied, the man was locked away in a lighthouse guarded by a sea monster.

Said sea monster let them sail away once Zane freed it.

Because, even a "monster" deserves to be free.

All Zane ever wanted was to understand himself.

Once Lloyd beat the Overlord, freeing himself from his destiny and his father from evil, Zane decided it was time to be honest.

He pulled his father aside for a conversation.

"Father, if I asked you for some...alterations...in my hardware...would you make them for me?"

His father was obviously confused. "Zane, you're already in peak physical form, and you're perfect the way you are! What would you ever want to change about yourself?"

Zane took a deep breath. "I identify as a boy, not a girl."

His father was silent for a second. Then: "Well that explains it. Of course I'll change your hardware!"

Zane let out a relieved laugh and pulled his father in for a hug. The old man startled but hugged his son back.

With these modifications, he'll truly be himself.

All Zane ever wanted was to understand himself.

But now, with the sudden anxiety he felt, all he wanted was for his family to understand him.

He had called the whole gang together for a group meeting in the Bounty. He could hear Lloyd, Nya, his brothers, and Sensei Wu from behind the door he stood in front of.

Just one door, that's all that stood between him and coming out.

He took a grounding breath, and opened the door.

His family noticed immediately. The moment they set their eyes on him, he could feel the questions on their tongues. Jay looked like he was actually going to ask, but Lloyd held his arm in front of the blue ninja to stop him. He nodded to Zane.

"You all are probably wondering why I look like a boy now," Zane started. He sighed. "Well, for a while, I've been thinking about who I am, and trying to understand myself. And I finally found it out." He chuckled. "My calculations find that I am 100% a boy. He/Him."

His family was silent for a moment.

Kai was the first to break. "That's great, Zane! I'm so glad you told us!"

Lloyd nodded in agreement. "Yeah, thanks for sharing!"

The others were making sounds of agreement, and Zane never felt more relieved.

"We didn't abandon you when we found out you were a nindroid, we sure ain't gonna abandon you now that we know you're a boy!" Jay exclaimed.

"Your destiny is the same no matter your gender," Sensei chimed in.

Nya looked a little crestfallen, but Zane knew it wasn't about him, it was about the circumstances of having to now live with only boys. Her comments seemed just as genuine as everyone else's, though.

"Wait, is your name the same? Or do you have a new name now?" Lloyd asked.

"Oh. It's the same. I never had a problem with Zane." He didn't even consider changing his name.

"Well I did when he ate my leftovers the other day!" Cole joked. Everyone laughed.

And Zane felt good.

All Zane ever wanted was to understand himself.

With the help of his family, he was able to.


End file.
